Full Catharsis

It’s been about 6 years since I have been able to take a full, confident, reassuring breath. I don’t know why I was able to pull one just now. Today I went to church with my mom and when it ended we sat with the Holy Sacrament. I cried so hard. I don’t know if people around me were uncomfortable or wondering why the hell I was crying. If you don’t know what the Holy Sacrament is… it’s basically the body of Christ in this golden holster and he is there with you. As far as being a Catholic or Christian or whatever… I’m pretty liberal at the same time. I have Co-Star and today it said “Full Catharsis” and I just let out what I was feeling in the moment. Just letting it out. Because I have lost so many people that I used to have as friends, I’ve lost my sister because we don’t talk, and my father died in 2012. And I don’t want to lose my mother because she’s all I have left if I don’t count my two cats. I have been lost for six years. I’ve been in a rough spot for about 8 years. Made mistakes. Tried to make up for those mistakes. And I’m done. The people who still just don’t want anything to do with me, that’s fine. I’m done. My priorities are my family and true friends. I’m done with the rest of you. So don’t waste my time. I’ll be friendly to you but that’s about it. And it’ll be obvious who my true friends are. My family has suffered so much and knowing that I have added to that makes me want to bash my head against a rock or tell someone with a bat that my face is a piñata. So that needs to heal first. I wonder how I’m gonna pull that one off. I’ll need a miracle. But miracles happen every day so I have faith that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen. When everyone is ready. I just finally need to step up and find my map. Or better yet just go my own way and make something incredible that way.